It felt right.

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It is funny to see how much our plans for the future have changed since we were first engaged.
At first it was med school and planning for the classes needed to apply. I expected the long hours of studying and classes and everything that goes into being a doctor. Add on the fact that radiology was the specialty we  ("we" meaning "David") were thinking of doing. (How long would that be? It would take 4 years of med school + 2 years residency + 2 years of fellowship after you finish your undergrad. That would be 8 years of post-undergrad schooling.)

One day while at work, we were gchatting and David told me he didn't think he wanted to go to med school anymore. He was thinking of being an actuary. (Don't be afraid to click the link. I didn't know what an actuary was either...)  For various reasons, he decided med school wasn't for him. The more he explained his reasoning, the more it felt right.   Plus, no extra schooling (they mostly don't care if you have a masters or not. They have their own tests they go by.), it would a 9-5 job (sah-weet!), and after a few years in the field, we should pretty much be able to pick where we want to live. (How often do people get that?)

So yeah, this new career sounded pretty sweet.    Minus the fact that the whole career is based on a series of multiple tests (and eventually more "classes") that are $200 each and are super hard and even though you finish school, there are still tests for the next X amount of years that you decide. (But most places actually give you time to study and some even pay for the tests and materials!) But overall, this is what feels right for us.

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Now we are in David's senior year of school and we figured this is how it pretty much would go: apply for jobs, graduate in April, move to new job, work for a few years, etc....

How it is really working out: David and I are on gchat again, and he tells me that he thinks he is going to  postpone graduation so that he can get an internship. Now we (again, read:David) are in the middle applying for many, many internships, not knowing what will happen come April, maybe not being together for the summer, not knowing about any jobs, etc. But when he told me about postponing graduation, it just felt right.

A lot different than we thought it would be.
But this has been a great lesson in faith.
Even though we don't know anything about what is happening in past April,
I have faith that it will all work out.

Anything like this ever happen to you?

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Worth the effort? YES.

I was just browsing through the drafts on my blog, and deciding to spruce this one up and actually post it. .

I know lots of people that have gotten married recently - some that I know well, and some that David knows. I loved our wedding day, so it is always exciting to me for other people to get married.

Wedding days are always exciting - even if you aren't the one getting married.

You can't stop smiling (even when your zipper breaks on your wedding dress).
You never want to let go of each other.
You think you will always remember every feeling and thought you have.
Wedding days are incredible.

I think our society has put the focus on the "wedding" and not the marriage itself. Which is sad because when you have a successful marriage there is so much more joy and happiness that you feel than one day of a wedding. 

I think I saved a bunch these quotes because I loved the idea that you actually have to put a little bit of effort into your marriage. (And I apologize because I have no idea what my sources are. That's how old this post is.)

"Marriage should not be so much about looking at each other but looking in the same direction together. I believe the message from this is to remember the positive things that brought you together and then to concentrate on positive goals to achieve as a couple. My observation is that all the cute, unique things that made your spouse wonderful in the beginning are going to be the things that grate on your nerves later. Try to focus on the positive -- if you look for negative qualities in someone you are sure to find them!"

 

"Remember the reason for the day. don't start off your marriage by going into debt if you can help it. the only things that should last forever are your marriage and your photography - everything else is just details."

"My dad told me 'try to outdo each other in kindness.' I thought that was good advice. That way you are concentrating on the positive."

 

"Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%."


[Any other good advice out there? Seriously, I love quotes like this so please share!]

I was thinking this weekend about how much different I feel now than I did when we first got married. It is impossible to think that you could love someone more than you did on your wedding day, but I do. It is a way more mature kind of love I think. I would rather be with David than anything else. (And it probably won't always be this way -- the ladies I work still tell me I'm in the "honeymoon phase".)

I think this is part of the reason why Monday mornings are not fun. It means a whole week of spending a couple hours together instead of being able to have days together like on the weekends. I guess that just makes those hours all the more precious. 

I am definitely not the easiest person to be married to (hello, stubbornness!) and I am constantly amazed at how much patience David has in dealing with me (sorry, babe...). 

 I am so, so incredibly thankful for the chance to continually work harder at making marriage better. 

Because even though the wedding is over and the car has driven away, I still want my marriage to be forever. 

Expectation

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Want to know a secret?                 I struggle.   (a lot lately....)
I could just say that I struggle with going to work and doing my dishes every night. Which I do, that much is true - it's just not where I want to leave things.

I struggle with expectations.
My expectations of myself.

I think these expectations of mine come from a few different things.

                   ONE  - going to high school with very determined people. (And by "determined", I mean people who are going places. Starting with Columbia, Harvard, and every other famous school.) It made me want to do big things, become someone big.
              I sit at work and think about how I have a college degree and haven't done anything with it.(I am grateful I have a job. I am just not in love with it.) Then I sit and think of different possibilities that I can do to further my education/abilities and feel more satisfied.

                   TWO - This stems from ONE. Wanting to do something to change the world. That is pretty much the only way I know how to say it. Maybe something that makes a difference.
                  But I think I am okay in realizing that my "difference" in the world comes from A) smiling at people at work (and some of them DON'T deserve it.) B) fulfilling my calling(S). Those nursery kids might not ever remember me. Or my 1.5 minute lesson. But (hopefully) they will remember that nursery was fun.
             Plus, who really wants to be famous? I'll take my privacy any day.
                 
                        THREE - Pinterest/blogs. (you might even throw FB in there...) Oh, how these are complicated relationships right here. I could easily spend my whole day (just ask David) perusing the stories and the pictures and the inspiration that is floating around.
                    I love love LOVE the power that sharing ideas has. And now, everything a girl could practically want, idea/inspiration-wise, is right at my fingertips. And there is so much out there to LEARN. I love the stories that connect people to each other. I look at these women and their lives and think of how wonderful it would be to have their experiences. And then I remember that I am not them. I am me


Essentially, the whole point of this dissertation is that I need to change my outlook. I am so, so grateful for my education. And I do plan on continuing to learn for the rest of my life. I'm grateful for a job that treats me well (other than the drive every day through nasty Utah construction, ugh). As much as I want to do/be something big - I don't think I will really enjoy it as much as I like to think I will. I love pinterest/blogs for everything they are and embody, I want to have MY OWN experiences. My pictures might not be as perfect and my etsy shop might be non-existent, but I will have memories of my own.
  And secretly,(David - ignore this part) I am okay with the idea of starting a family anytime now. It used to freak me out. But the more and more I think about it (and teach nursery and go to work), the more I realize that I want that part of life to be mine.


So my expectations now are these:
1 - wake up every day happy for what I have
2 - live my own life. and not on the computer
3 - don't have expectations. :)

Any other suggestions?

 How's that for a new post?(does anyone else actually read this??)

BYU football

BYU tickets just released their ticket information for the upcoming games.

Which means we found out where our seats will be this season. 

Allow me to show you:

See the red star??

That's our section.

Row 3.

50 yard line.

Get jealous.

Because those are our seats for the ENTIRE season!!!

We are so excited for football (and I'm kind of sad this will be our last season here as students).

I'm sure you'll see more of football this season here on the blog.

pattern mixing (day 3)

shirt/skirt: H&M, belt: target, watch: macy's
and please excuse the bathroom shot at work

Floral + Stripes 

Because that's as far as I think I can go on pattern-mixing.

It's definitely not one of my strong points - I like basics, neutrals, and classic things.

So this was definitely a stretch for me!

Backpacking

I don't know how I ever thought 17 miles was going to be worth it. But as painful memories of the screaming pain in my shoulders and hips are slowly starting to fade (thanks to plenty of ibuprofen), I thought I'd post a few pictures before I forget what actually happened up in Middle Basin.

 We left right around 9. We didn't get up there until about 4:30 pm. It was kind of a hard hike. (understatement of the year)

 Christmas Meadows

 The first moose we saw!

 We saw two more way close to the path. They just stared. Luckily they walked away from us after Danny got closer.

 This is almost the end of civilization.

Parts of the path were soooo muddy. This is the on the way up. The way back was even worse. 

 We were so dirty. The WHOLE time.

 Middle Basin!

 Ryder Lake

 Don't ever buy this. "Chicken A La King" - which turned out to be a vegetarian meal. What? No chicken. awesome. NOT.

 So, story time: [David broke his shoes on the way up. When we got up to the campsite, there was a pair of shoes right where he set up our tent. He just threw them to the side thinking "who leaves a pair of shoes??" Later that night he was thinking about how he was ever going to make it down the mountain in his broken shoes. Then he remembered there was another pair of shoes up here. He tried them on, and get this --- THEY FIT. What are the chances?? So we burned his old ones and he wore the new ones down on the hike.  

 Full moon! Which is also a UFO?

 I caught my first fish! Overall, between all of us, we caught THIRTY fish. Right when the fish started jumping, we started catching them like crazy. It is addicting - that feel right when you know you've hooked them! 

 Lunchtime.

 This one was pretty good. 

 We hiked up to McPheters Lake. It was huge and gorgeous. And we got skunked there. No fish at all. But definitely a fun hike.

 There were probably 4 or 5 waterfalls here too.

 Pad Thai! The best dinner of them all. (Hey, Laura - we talked about how you guys went to Thailand to get Thai food, we just had to hike a mountain!)

And there is the end of the pictures. 

Here is what isn't in them: the pain, the mud, the gallons of water we drank/pumped, the pain in my hips that told me 8.5 miles was a bad idea, 30 fish, campfire conversations, the ridiculous amount of mosquitoes that we killed, using up 2 cans of bug spray before we were even on our way down, earplugs, banana boats around the fire, burning all our trash - and David's shoes, food poisoning, rain, and the LONG hike down.

The longest 17 miles of my life.

We were so ready to be done. I don't think we've ever been so happy to see a car, sit on a cushion, take a shower, comb my hair.

And now I'm so ready to sleep in my bed.

I might do it again - when I've blocked out the bad memories in a year or so.

 But right now, my body is reminding me why I'm not doing this again for a long time.

So good thing we took pictures!