It lights the whole sky.

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "you owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.

-Hafiz

I feel as if today should be extremely important, but I can't seem to figure out why. It is only the eleventh of April. It's not a friend's birthday, or holiday or deadline day. Today is a simple Sunday. Filled with friends and church and relaxation (which actually shouldn't be happening for another week and a half, if then...). But I can't help trying to think if there is some significance I am missing today. I loved the beauty of the day. The warmth, the wind and the happy sunshine. This is the kind of weather I wish I could have year round. Days like today would be perfect too.

I found this quote today and it made me think.

Thinking was good to do today too. Tomorrow will start off one of the last weeks of chaos/craziness. I'm getting more excited for THE day. Excited that I won't have to say goodnight and get in a car and go to my own house. No more curfew, no more missing him for the few hours we spend apart, no more roommates that are essentially strangers to me. I have been so blessed. And I realize that more and more. Blessed with my family, blessed with my friends, blessed with him, blessed because of everything I have. I really don't deserve it at all.

..."a love like that"..... I wish I could always have a love like that.

I sat down here with all intents to write something big.
I don't know why I expected that. Maybe because my head has been full of tidbits and tiny pieces of laughter I wanted to share with you.

Every time I open this blog to try and write something, all the smidgeons of ideas disappear. Maybe because the little glimmers of ideas come to me while I am not sitting at a desk.

And maybe that's the way it should be. Another reason why I'm tempted to give this thing up. I'm not so good at "being all inspiring" or whatever people write blogs for. So maybe I'll let you find yours somewhere else.

It's not you - It's me.

So I apologize for all of those who feel like I have ostracized them by making my blog private. I have been debating this for awhile.
- Not just the making private part, but also the need to have one, what I wanted to achieve by having one, how I am lacking in creativity etc.

I think I assumed that if you all got used to not being able to read it, it would be easier for you when I actually did get rid of it. I am sorry.

I guess I learned the hard way that I should just make you all go cold turkey when I do decide to do away with this blog. I guess that's your official warning then. So heads up.

'Adjectives Illuminate A Gloomy Page....'

I am not a wordsmith. I have no gift of tongue, no twisting or arranging of words to create a profound and prolific thought that in turn leads others to think. (And I'm not writing this to get anyone to say otherwise, I'm just simply stating it - not fishing for compliments.) That is not my gift - if anything, that's Lisette's. And although I can twist other people's words to make them sound pretty, it's not quite the same thing.

I've always admired authors and poets and public speakers and songwriters because they have the gift I don't. Being able to string words and sentences together that just sound so pretty. And how sometimes they have incredible meanings, but other times, they do it just because they like how it sounds. Robert Frost said, "All the fun's in how you say a thing." And it's true. Some of my favorite words come from songs I've heard or poems I read when I was younger. And now, I find new ones every day. For example, The Avett Brothers have some incredible lyrics. I'm slightly, minorly obsessed with them because of this. Sometimes I wonder how they do it. And then I simply listen in awe.

"When nothing is old deserved or respected/ And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected/ If you're loved by someone you're never rejected/ Decide what to be and go be it."

This twisting of words and connecting with someone's soul leads to the creation of thoughts. I was reading about words today. By a woman who simply puts them down for others to enjoy, because she, indeed, is a wordsmith. She wrote the seemingly unimportant line, "Adjectives illuminate a gloomy page" in the midst of a paragraph on how to create a sentence that has energy. And the very next thought that came into my head was how friends are like those adjectives - when your days are feeling gloomy, there are rays of sunshine breaking through.

I would be remiss if I did not appreciate the sunshine in my life. So, no more focusing on the clouds and gray skies. I'm going to focus on the light breaking through.

(Kinsey, I had to find a picture that had you in it from forever ago, just so you could be in this post too. And I would have a picture with the boys except I can't seem to find any. I guess girls just take more pictures than guys.)