It lights the whole sky.

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "you owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.

-Hafiz

I feel as if today should be extremely important, but I can't seem to figure out why. It is only the eleventh of April. It's not a friend's birthday, or holiday or deadline day. Today is a simple Sunday. Filled with friends and church and relaxation (which actually shouldn't be happening for another week and a half, if then...). But I can't help trying to think if there is some significance I am missing today. I loved the beauty of the day. The warmth, the wind and the happy sunshine. This is the kind of weather I wish I could have year round. Days like today would be perfect too.

I found this quote today and it made me think.

Thinking was good to do today too. Tomorrow will start off one of the last weeks of chaos/craziness. I'm getting more excited for THE day. Excited that I won't have to say goodnight and get in a car and go to my own house. No more curfew, no more missing him for the few hours we spend apart, no more roommates that are essentially strangers to me. I have been so blessed. And I realize that more and more. Blessed with my family, blessed with my friends, blessed with him, blessed because of everything I have. I really don't deserve it at all.

..."a love like that"..... I wish I could always have a love like that.

Weekend plans!!

1) work this afternoon even though I have too many hours.
2) chanon! The best Thai food in salt lake city.
3) movie tonight? This one is still up in the air. Ooh or stargazing if it doesn't rain.
4) stats review tomorrow bright and early. Still not a for sure thing but I hope so. I need all the stats help I can get.
5) bridal shower!! I'm excited! :D
6) I'm going to try and make a birdcage veil. I haven't decided if I'm going to use it but it seems super easy to make.
7) REAL Salt Lake game!!! Home opener. We were the champions last year, so I'm excited to see us play this year.
8) midnight movie tradition if possible and depending on what's there. I'm really going to miss the dollar theater when we ever move away from here.
9) study study study study study. Sound fun? That's because it is going to be a blast.
10) go buy this one dress I've been eyeing for awhile. I'm thinking it can double as my graduation and wedding luncheon dress. I will post you the link here when I get back to a real computer.
11) mail out our invitations!! I have them all labeled but I don't have stamps yet. Oh and we get our inserts on Saturday.

Wow. I love how busy life gets!!
Only 29 days!

- Posted from my iPhone

weekend listing.

I have only had about 6 or less hours of sleep each night for the past week (c'mon, people I need at least 6 and a half to function), so random is exactly what I feel, and what might translate into this post.

1- First things first, guess what we just did.

Played HANGMAN over gchat.

A few things about this:

- who even plays hangman any more?

- I made an awesome man out of computer symbols. And I tried to put it on here but google chrome doesn't like it. Maybe some other time.

2. I was reading MLIA today. The more I read, the harder I laugh.

One of my favorites?

Today, my alarm didn't go off, causing me to be 40 minutes late for school. On my tardy slip, I wrote "attacked by dinosaurs on the way to the bus stop" as my excuse. Not only was it accepted, the teacher removed the tardy completely and gave me a sticker

Needless to say, I have been very entertained.

3. We are going up to Kaysville in approximately 1 hour! Oh I am so excited for this weekend. I still need to pack, and maybe I'll even be able to throw a shower into that mix, but hey, it is okay!

4. I only have to turn in 2 more assignments before this semester is over! It's easy peasy stuff too!

5. I read this quote today, and it made me happy. "Bruce R. McConkie [said]: 'Faith in its full and pure form requires an unshakable assurance and … absolute confidence that [God] will hear our pleas and grant our petitions' in His own due time. Believing that, we too can “stand fast in the faith” today and tomorrow." Taken from this talk.

It's good stuff.

And that's all! I am leaving to go pack now! Yay for it being springtime, April, General Conference, the weekend, the end of school and almost summer!

I guess the biggest thing I learned from today is that
any day can be a good day if you look at it the right way.

For sale:

Does anyone know anyone that needs housing for this spring/summer?

I'm trying to sell my contract. Preferably at full price, but I'm willing to negotiate.

I would just like to have it sold.

So spread the word please?

It's all adding up.

So the end of semester is coming up. SOON.

Here's my to-do list from now until Monday:

school:

stats exam (maybe one of the hardest ones)

stats homework

chem exam (the hardest one yet!)

nutrition paper

nutrition readings/quizzes

history paper

doesn't sound like a lot.

But I'm starting to stress out.

Next week gets even more full with papers and tests. Oh man.

I cannot wait for the next 30 days to go by.

Dear Graduation,

I'm coming. Please don't go by without me. I'm hurrying as fast as I can. I already deleted facebook off my phone and have written everything out in my planner. I'm just waiting for my motivation and focus to catch up with me. But please please wait for me. I won't abandon you if you don't abandon me. Please. We are so close. We can do this.

I'm coming, please wait,

pertinaciously yours, etc etc

Jenny, you understand this, right?

Following BYU basketball is an emotional rollercoaster. And not the fun kind. The kind that you get so hyped up about and you stand in line excitedly and nervously. And then once you're on the ride, it's one big mood swing. Up. And down. And up. And then a REALLY big down. The kind that makes you sad and slightly upset at the same time.
And guess what. It's a seasonal disorder. Not just a one time thing.
But hey, things are looking up. I have 3 tests this week, and I really do not feel like studying at all. But it's really sunny outside and I love it. I wish summer was here. Then I'd be swimming abd boating instead of riding the basketball roller coaster.
Oh and my bracket is completely ruined. Thank you Kansas, Georgetown and Villanova. Shape up next year, will ya?
- Posted from iPhone

Seven Years.

To think that starting when I was 15, BYU couldn't get out of the first round of the tournament. AND NOW WE BROKE THAT DRY SPELL. double overtime.

99-92. bring it on, 2nd round.

Totally worth my chem professor putting it up on the big screen and giving up on teaching us anything. AND worth the blister I got from running (read: sprinting) around campus to watch the end. oh so worth it.

thank you jimmer and michael loyd jr.

p.s. i'm winning in all my bracket groups right now. haha i wonder how long it will last. not long.

Things to do today:

6:30 a.m. - have crazy weird dream that wakes you up multiple times

9:01 a.m. - sit through stats numbly

10:09 a.m. - after perusing email and facebook, work on review sheet and hope i'm not the only one contributing to the google doc.

11:00 a.m. - keep working on review sheet while NOT paying attention in history

12:00 pm. - my chemistry professor is a crack up. spills eggs all over himself, stands on the desk while making nylon and tries to convince us that this is an amazingly educational site

1:05 p.m. - stats lab. work on the homework for next week, while everyone else around me is confused by the one due tomorrow. (i love the little moments like this that say "hey, good job on not procrastinating!")

1:52 p.m. - pay off credit card! yay!!!

2:00 p.m. sit at work and blog slash study after finishing my work to-do list for the day...

And that's where I am now. Waiting for this:

4:00 p.m. - freedom!

I need to go shopping. For 2 reasons. Engagement pictures tomorrow that I just found out about yesterday (or Wednesday? i can't remember) and a wedding. (next week. yeah, I definitely put off shopping for this one - semi not my fault though,.)

engagement pictures: outside, hope it doesn't rain, and I have a slight idea of what we should wear. (P.S. Thank you SO much, Jessi! Your tips have helped me TONS. I love you!)

the wedding colors are: white, cream and pale yellow. do I own any of these colors? oh NO, of course not. (I can't really help it, I like dark colors 95% of the time.) least of all in clothes that are wedding-appropriate. Can't I just wear black?

[Oh J.Crew if you weren't so expensive and made for petite people, you and I would be more than best friends right now. You usually have EVERYTHING I need.]

And I'm pretty sure no one is selling clothes in these colors right now as it is still "winter". But by the time they do get their new retail in for "easter/spring", the wedding will be past and gone.

What to do. what to do.

Guess that's what the shopping is for. :D

What about this dress?

(It's only $1990. Thank you Christian Dior.)

(taken from here)

Two quick things before I go bust out a ridiculously long review sheet.

1) I am done filing taxes! Booyah.

2) I got a 92 on my stats test.

Thank you Chili's for helping me celebrate that small, yet important victory on a normal Wednesday night. Now back to focusing (with some blog stalking mixed in).

Oh to know...

Hands down most valuable thing I've learned in my 4 years of college? That the more I learn, the more I realize I have yet to learn.

I guess we all really should be life-long learners.

And I also need to have better study habits. Like maybe actually taking notes in history instead of blogging. But Señor Brown is just oh so blah. No offense to him, of course. I just cannot pay attention today. So blogging it is.

- Posted from iPhone

oh the places you'll go.

This is where I wish I was today:

It would be nice to be done with school and have the money to travel the world and see fantastic places.

Oh, paper,
please write yourself so that I can rid myself of the stress you are causing me. In the short space of three hours I will turn you in. So, can you please just get done on your own in the meantime?
gracias, xie xie, merci beaucoup

wishful thinking?

Wow. I really want a sewing machine. My crafty side has been suppressed for way too long. I am just dying to get my hands on some material and make something pretty.

And yet, I know I wouldn't put it to the good use it truly would deserve. (kind of like my guitar. still in the closet. poor thing.)

I guess I will just have to wait for forever to get one. Probably a good thing anyways, because there are papers and tests that come before any fun projects.

Which means, in my case, that all the grand ideas in my head will just have to stay there for a few more years.

I would love to make something like this:

(taken from here)

this is where i want to be right now.

instead of sitting at work and doing homework and studying for 3 tests.

maybe if i close my eyes and pretend to be warm, it will seem more real.

I wish

I wish:

1. That the next 4 months would go by faster.
2. That I could wake up as happy as I did today everyday.
3. That money wasn't important.
4. That school wasn't as... busy.
5. That I was smarter.

in my perfect world.

As of right now, my perfect world contains ZERO finals. But is that what I really want in my perfect world?

No, I can handle the finals. I think I want something else instead.

in my perfect world, I would devote more time to appreciating God's hand in my life.

I would savor and cherish the good times.

my pride would never come first.

i would apologize more. and so, so much sooner.

i would be more understanding and try to listen more.

communicating my love would be the most important.

be forgiving, gentle, and unfailingly kind.

the people i love most would always know it and know it because of my actions.

And as hard and frustrating as finishing my finals seem right now, this perfect world sounds even farther away. And as impossible as that sounds, I am comforted by the fact that everyday is an opportunity for me to become a better person. And take one step closer to that perfect world.

love me or hate me - that is the question.

i've decided that i have a love/hate relationship with growing up.

wanna hear my reasons?

1) no more imagination. growing up means this is definitely blocked. have you ever heard of a grown-up having an imaginary friend? yeah, me neither.

2) more responsibility. not as fun as it sounds. because responsibility and stress have a direct relationship. one goes up, so does the other.

3) people talk to you seriously. yeah, it's all fine and good most of the time. but who wants to be taken seriously ALL the time? not me.

4) no more fun bathtime. showers/bath are 99% all seriousness now. no more crayon soap, no more rubber duckies, no more pretending to be the little mermaid and soaking up the floor (i definitely loved that one. it was always the part of the movie where she splashes up on the rock and all the waves crash behind her. definitely made for a wet bathroom floor.)

5) no more fun jobs. real jobs (minus a select few) are never as fun as washing the walls or cleaning my room. (cleaning my room always led to dress up - with whatever was on the floor. which means nothing got put away and it never really got clean. funny how that happens sometimes.)

6) i love choosing my own bedtime. which lately has been getting later and later. and taking naps of my own choice makes them even sweeter.

7) the idea of decorating my own house is just thrilling. i have all these ideas of what i want to do crammed away into a folder that is just waiting to be opened!

8) school is definitely a lot harder. but is almost the same amount of fun.... not the same KIND of fun, but maybe the same amount.

9) shopping is way more fun. costco samples, clearance sales, christmas shopping. definitely more fun when you don't have to stay with Mom the whole time.

10) boys no longer have cooties. in fact, i spend most of my time with one and i'm still as enamored as day one.

The pleasure is all mine.

On my anatomy test today was this:

"It has been a pleasure having you.... Now hurry up and get out of here!"

It echoed my sentiments exactly.

One final down. Five more to go. And all that is going through my head right now is "baby steps". "baby steps". "Baby steps into the elevator......"

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.

Sometimes life is all about the countdowns. Countdowns to take-off. Countdowns to deadlines. Days until birthdays. Days until Christmas (or any other holiday for which school is closed). Countdowns to when babies are due. Countdown to when work is over or the weekend begins. Days until my flight leaves. Days (and then hours) until his flight arrives. Time until classes are over. Time until dinner is ready. Countdowns to when finals are done. Days until payday. I think we would all have countdowns to our deaths if it were possible for us to know exactly when that would be. I always seem to be waiting for something to happen. Funny how we all are counting down until sometime in the future instead of enjoying the now.

about TIME. sheesh.

I did it. For real this time. I took a whopper of an ANATOMICAL test at the infamous and awful testing center, known loathingly as Heber. AND I came away with a solid 92% on the multiple choice with a "fantastic!" written next to my number on the score screen.

Can I just say I've been waiting for a moment like this for 4 years? I've gotten good grades like this before, but not on a test for my major. Just on little side tests like ethics, and judaism, and d&c, and english. but never on a test for a major class. BOOOOOOOYAH.

I'm pretty peacock proud right now. Except I have yet another test (for my major, yet again) tomorrow before I can claim my freedom for the holiday weekend.

Time to get off my proud pedestal and back to the old grind. I just wanted to document this moment for posterity's sake (and my sanity's - for when finals roll around and I feel utterly stupid again). And I thought this picture was strangely appropriate:

'Tis the season, I suppose.

It is almost Thanksgiving. And I'm starting to think I need to start taking a healthy dose of gratitude every day. Sometimes being a grump is so strangely satisfying that it is hard to get out of the slump.

I should be grateful I have at least one exam every week because it gives me more points to help my grade (theoretically speaking).

I should be grateful for the long hours at work despite the slowness because it means a bigger paycheck with less stress.

I should be grateful for my education because it is almost over and I am starting to get the feeling I might actually miss it.

I should be grateful for my busy days because it means I am actually doing something with my time (and hopefully those things are worthwhile)

I should be grateful for the time I get to spend with friends because very soon we will all be doing different things with our lives and going in different directions.

I should be grateful for planes that can fly me home for Christmas because it means I do not have to take a 176 hour train ride or 5 day bus ride.

I should be grateful for this blog because it gives me SOME PLACE TO RAMBLE on about things and not waste someone else's time by making them listen to me.

I am grateful for family and soon-to-be-family.

I am grateful for winter. Because it makes springtime even better.

I am grateful for photographers who can capture the incredible beauty of the world we live in. And make us realize how precious the little moments are.

I am grateful for twinkly lights, pumpkin rolls and hot chocolate. Because being happy inside makes you happy on the outside and then the happiness spreads like warmth.

I am grateful for professors who tell you everything they are asking about on their exams. Because it is nice to know that they aren't trying to kill you and that they want you to do well.

I am grateful for fashion. And the pops of color that have been carried over from summer. And ruffles. For some reason, I really like the femininity they create.

I am grateful for the Honor Code. For the ways it helps us be better.

I am grateful for weekdays. They make the weekends so much better.

I am grateful for bloggers who are willing to share their creativity and imagination with the world.

I am grateful for emails from across the world. Because somehow reading someone's words brings them that much closer. Even when they are really FAR AWAY.

I am grateful for my best friend.

And, I am grateful for hope. Because sometimes things get overwhelming. And that is okay. Because I can handle it. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. Maybe if I keep repeating it, one day I will believe it.

I guess that's enough gratitude for the day. I apologize if you made it to the end of this post. I think I needed to write this more than anyone else needs to read it.

Maybe next time I will just make a thankfulness tree like this one: