What to do?

As I was driving to work today, I saw a billboard for another marathon. (seriously, Utah has so many now.)
Every time I see these billboards, the ambitious side of me says YES.
It's on my bucket list. I really want to do one.
This one is for the Provo Marathon.
It is newer than like the Top of Utah or the Salt Lake Marathon, so it's not as hyped up.

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Problems that will probably come up if I sign up for it:
1. It is right around the time when we are moving out of our apartment, so it could just add to that stress.
2. My workday goes from 7am-6pm and what could be my running time is usually when I am driving to work. Making time to run would be a little bit difficult, but is this one of those things that I just need to sign up for to motivate me to make time for it?
3. David is also planning to take another big test around that time. (side note: I really don't like actuary tests. Mostly because they steal my husband from me when he is putting in his 150+ hours of studying...) So our house might fall apart because we would both be busy
4. I'm an awful runner. This could easily be one of the biggest FAILS of my year(s).

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I need your advice.

   Should I not be an overachiever and just not sign up and wait for another better time?
Should I not be as much of an overachiever and just do the half marathon?
   Or should I go for the big bang and just sign up and do it and kick-start my awesome marathon running career that we all know is just waiting for me?

Lost

So I've kind of lost my motivation. Pretty sure the last time I had it was way back at the beginning of February.

And along with my motivation, I am also missing my time management, sleep, organization skills, and common sense.

I am hoping they will all find their way back to me on their own, but I'm realizing now that I need to work on getting them back. But.... That requires motivation. Which I don't have.
Oh it's a horrible catch-22.

Someone motivate me??

- Posted from iPhone

Oh to know...

Hands down most valuable thing I've learned in my 4 years of college? That the more I learn, the more I realize I have yet to learn.

I guess we all really should be life-long learners.

And I also need to have better study habits. Like maybe actually taking notes in history instead of blogging. But Señor Brown is just oh so blah. No offense to him, of course. I just cannot pay attention today. So blogging it is.

- Posted from iPhone

bowl me over.

So every Thursday night, we made our way to an alley that contained balls and pins for our play. (well, not mine - theirs.) I watched, week in, week out, the good, the bad, the awful. And trust me. It was most definitely worth it.

This team of bonediggers won the championships. They are the best bowling team that BYU has to offer. They played big when it counted. And they came away with these awesome pieces of art:

So, you ask, were these worth an entire semester's worth of Thursdays?

I think YES.

I did it.

In story form:

My Fight For Freedom:
How Facebook Sucked My Life Away

Dear World,

I did it. The feeling right now is incredible. Liberation + no more temptation = a feeling of elation. Today at 11:07 a.m., on the 2nd floor of the HBLL, I deleted my facebook. And let me tell you, the result has been wonderful. Even before the actual deletion, I was on such a high from deciding to do it that I paid attention in all of my classes - the whole time. And enjoyed them.

I've had a couple friends ask me why I did it. Here are a few of my reasons: A) I'm addicted to it. I can't control myself - in both how often I log on and how much time I spend each time I log on. It takes up so much of my time -- time that is supposedly valuable, but that I'm not valuing very much if I'm spending it all online. B) I'd rather have a relationship with real people instead of a machine. C) I'm pretty sure my real friends are the ones who have my cell phone number. The rest are all just the victims of innocent stalking. And I'll sacrifice them for a real conversation with a real person. D) I still have an email and a cell phone and skype and a blog. Despite what it looks like, I'm not ostracizing myself from the rest of the world.

I have had my facebook for over 5 years. I got facebook when you had to be invited to have a facebook. Back when they didn't have an inbox, or a news feed, or quizzes, or put photo albums up or chat. Or a lot of stuff. Back when this guy was the logo of facebook:

And at first, it was a fun, easy way to connect with your friends without feeling like you're sending an intrusive email. And if you didn't have a cell phone, it was quick and easy. And had fewer numbers to remember.

But it soon escalated. To the point where I was/am addicted. This I will freely admit. I would check it not once or twice a day. More like once or twice an hour. And after an hour of being on it in the library, or at work, I'd finally get off and not be able to remember the things I needed to accomplish for the day. I was more interested in seeing people's lives and critiquing them and feeling involved from afar instead of being real friends.

I liked what this man wrote in a NYtimes article (Feb. 9, 2009) about the whole "25 things" fad that went around at the start of this year :

"The idea that real intimacy is achieved by telling 25 people about the first time you saw a horse or the name of your kindergarten boyfriend is, admittedly, worthy of ridicule. But in her refusal to participate, Ms. B may have unwittingly touched upon the very thing that makes the exercise so appealing: the fact that we can learn intimate details of a person's life without actually having to interact with them. 'I've gotten 25 random things notices from people that absolutely fascinated me," said Mr. C, the actor. 'But I'm pretty certain I wouldn't want to be stuck on a bus with them telling me these things.'"

And as much as I love stalking people and seeing pictures, I'd rather be taking the pictures or be in them instead of just looking at them. I did have the hardest time convincing myself to delete it. I've actually been considering it for a couple months now. And when I actually told someone I was going to do it. I told them I was going to delete it tomorrow. But then I talked to someone else about it and he said to do it right now -as in: as-soon-as-we-sit-down-at-the-table-in-the-library-now. So we did. And I honestly am glad I did. I'm glad I have my life back. Or at least the chance to have one.

From the same article as above: "'Whatever happened to talking to people face-to-face?' she wrote in an e-mail message. 'Since when do we have to give our friends synopses or overviews of our lives? Anyone who wants to know 25 things about me can call me
or ask me.'"

And that's pretty much how I feel now. If you really care about me and want to know about my life, you can have my cell phone number. And we can talk about it.

My personal race?

"I have won races that taught me nothing, but I have rarely lost a race that has not taught me something. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that losing is the same as failing. You don't always win from a winning position, but you rarely lose from a losing position. And you are far more likely to make your way to that winning position if you have the courage to learn from the mistakes you make along the way."

- Sebastian Coe, Olympic Gold Medalist and Silver Medalist

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my race. I can't seem to catch a break. I tend to have an exam (or two or three, to be exact) every week with no time to stop and breathe. I feel like I am running through this semester with the lungs of an ASTHMATIC person. Short little gasps and panting, bent over with my hands on my knees digging down deep to find the courage and strength to stand back up and keep running. This isn't a race for a prize or a leisurely stroll. Instead in is an endurance test - of my determination and will, my ability to focus and prioritize, of my strength to go on.

And I'm certainly not winning the endurance test, but I can promise you, I'm definitely learning the greater lessons from the losing side. And that makes me a winner anyways.

Lag time and lists.

"You're forgetting about lag time. -- Everything you do has a lag time. It takes a while for your efforts to pay off. Like when you go on a diet-- you don't lose weight right away, it takes a few weeks for your body to drop some pounds. Once people understand that you love them, they'll forgive your mistakes. For some things the lag time is weeks, for others it's years or even decades. But things do get better. Things will get better." - a very very wise woman named Carolyn

My lag time must be 21 years and counting. Because sometimes I still can't seem to make my efforts pay off.

My problem is I have all these crazy ideas that turn into "goals" I plan on accomplishing (usually starting my list at New Years' and then it fizzles off into nothing by the end of March/beginning of April).

And my list is quite extensive of things I want to do but have never done. Because I have the teensy tiny problem of never actually finishing anything I start. Ever. So I thought maybe now would be a good time to start?

Want a small sampling from my list?

1. run a marathon
2. get a passport
3. keep a journal
4. get a scuba diving license
5. learn to cook

I am taking hope in the fact that "...things do get better. Things will get better." So... here's to making things better instead of just waiting for it.

The smell of victory? It's in the air.

You know how there are some smells and tastes that just stick in your head? Even ones from when you are little? Like Thanksgivings where the smell of turkey emanated throughout the house for hours and your mouth watered for just as long. Or Christmas time and you can smell the cider and hot chocolate and pine everytime you open the front door. And all the goodies baking in the kitchen. They tend to stick in your head. And then when you stick them in your mouth, sometimes it is a wondrous thing. But sometimes it can be a disappointment. Like the first time you tried to eat playdough.

However, today's taste of victory will be oh so sweet. T- 1.25 hours. And then it will be mine. Because this ridiculous cast will be off my leg. AND my foot will be FREE!

hallelujah.

what my foot will look like in 1 hour:

This one is for you, girl!

Kinseybug.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the hardest days of your week, month, year.
The sun is going to pound down on you like you've never known.
Your feet will feel the pain of every single step, every dip, bump, pebble and ridge of that path.
Your legs will quiver with dread of going even a little bit farther.
The hill ahead will seem like the impossible feat you could never accomplish.
And every mile will feel like eternity.

But guess what. I have faith in you. I know you can do it. Because you cannot be beaten by the sun, the path or the distance.
You will make it. And every drop of sweat will be worth it.
I promise.



LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE,
me

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I am a terrible student.
I like learning, hate exams.
Like classes, hate grades.
Love college, hate the stress right now.
Love education, hate school.
And I have 3 exams in the next 5 days.
And it would be nice to have 4 more hours in my day.
But hey, at least it's Wednesday!
And fall is here, so things can't be that bad, right?

Anyways… back to the old grind of studying.

"Do you like hip-hop? I got an album --- and I never shot nobody."

So sometimes I miss Hawaii. I miss the lazy, dream-filled nights. I miss the random connections we made with the people at the hostels. The people with whom our paths crossed for that miniscule moment in time. I miss hiking around mountains and being inches away from the edge of the cliff - hiking for hours until suddenly the waterfall appears and makes the 2 hours in the rain worth it. Conversations on hotel rooftops. Being in flip-flops and a bathing suit, no matter where or when it is. I miss not having to be somewhere at a specific time. Stretching out on the beach with a book that I don't actually have to think about reading. Hammocks made out of parachutes. Riding on the bus and not caring how long it takes to get there. I miss the friendly alohas and the breathtaking flowers. I miss the sound of the waves.

But then, I come back to Provo and realize how much I've missed the deadlines, and the pressure, and the stress. (I know, I'm crazy. But I secretly love having a semi-fast-paced life.) And the sense of pride. And my bed. And hot showers. And not having sand in every single crevice of my skin and on every article of clothing I own. I missed Grover and being able to drive (not that I'm able to drive now anyways......) I missed face-to-face conversations - somehow texting and phone calls don't make the cut after awhile.

However. I did not and do not and will not miss from both Hawaii AND Provo: grades, offices, big casts on my leg that make me walk 103293483920 times slower than normal, singles wards, creepy old men offering me a shack to stay in, creepy old men telling me about the 14 times he saw Jesus on Larry King, creepy old men telling me how he hates Christians, creepy old men telling me that I could be wife #5, drunk spaniards, $2 value menus, and linear algebra.

On a completely different note, I love BYU football.

Some are scared to fly so high. Well, this is how we have to try - have no envy, no fear. j.radin

"One day you will feel like you know what you are doing."

That is the piece of wisdom I read today while getting my daily fill of the news. And my first thought was 'Really? I don't believe it.' I think the older I get, the more I realize I don't know. I've been blessed to be working at the same job for the past 2 years. And I do know a lot.

My list of accomplishments from this job include (but definitely are not limited to): interior design, prop building, binder assembling, becoming a copy-making fiend, preparations dances, scheduling - then re-scheduling - a building, computer hacking skills, repair skills-including anything from pool cues to printers, safety and security, and teaching my managers how to call people anonymously, etc....
But, as comfortable and confident as I sometimes feel, I still don't know everything. Most of the time, I can find the answer to a question and help someone, but there are still a lot of things that I don't know.

Well, today I realized that I already knew the most important thing about my job. I know how to help someone. Even if I don't know the answer. A big part of having a job like mine, at least to me, is your customer service. I think it's HUGELY important - the way you treat people is the reflection of the love and respect you have for them. Especially when you don't know them.

Today, while trying to track down a lost order from our supplier's warehouse, the girl on the other end of the phone wasn't being particularly helpful. Anyways, after talking to her for a while and then being put on hold for at least 15 minutes, I realized that there was no point in me getting frustrated at her. It didn't help anyone. Least of all me. And maybe talking on the phone with her and letting her figure things out will help her become more able to help another customer faster and more easily the next time around.

I guess everything we do comes from a choice. And I just want to choose to be happy. I like being happy. So even if I never ever feel completely confident in myself, even if I never learn anything else, that is all I need to know - everything we do comes from a choice. And we can choose to be happy.


And in regards to that, I do need to work on being happier. No more disgruntled grumpiness in the mornings was step one. Although, I'm doing an okay job, right Kinsey?

That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to do it has increased.
- Heber J. Grant

I'm conquering dragons. How about you?

So today I found this:

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated.
- g.k. chesterton

I can remember wanting to be a princess when I was little. I wanted to find a white horse and ride off into the sunset. I wanted to live in a tower in a land that was perfect. I wanted the pretty dresses and long flowing hair. I wanted to be able to talk to animals, to sing with birds. I wanted carriage rides and tiaras.

And now that I know that princess school does not actually exist, this is the kind of princess I want to be:

That girl knew what she was doing. Thank you, Princess Elizabeth, for being on my list of heroes. My dragon may not be your dragon, but you showed me that I can beat mine - without a sword, a suit of armor, or a horse.

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket - Never let it fade away.

Last night as I lay in bed and the lines between reality and dreaming started to blur, my mind was filled with an incredulous story that seemed so.... cockamamie to me. Unbelievable and fallacious. And yet, I could not resist putting it here for you all to enjoy. (Parts are true, parts are not: believe what you want.)

Once, there were these two young, amazingly beautiful, charming, witty and knowledgeable girls named Yesnik and Acceb. Their grandfather was one of the noblest in the land, but all of his wealth had been inherited by other descendants, so these girls had to settle for the distinct privilege of being recognized as the belles of their boroughs. Although Yesnik and Acceb lived miles away from each other, they were given the opportunity to spend a very small amount of time together once every two years.

This year, unfortunately Yesnick and Acceb had their time shortened due to previous social engagements. So all they had together was one night. That night was the time for divulging secrets and re-enacting adventures! Tonight - this one memorable night - Yesnik and Acceb decided to finally exchange their sagas of their individual quests for the elusive falling stars.

Now, it is important to give you this sidenote: Ever since the beginning of time, it has been the goal of each young lady who lives and breathes to catch as many falling stars as possible. In some vast lands, it is an honor to have the most falling stars. In other different lands, you are revered and esteemed for only catching a small amount, and shunned for catching more than is considered your fair share - for let's be honest, that can be misconstrued as being avaricious and greedy. All lands view falling stars as precious gifts and catching them is more than just a rite of passage - it is a wondrous opportunity and an honored privilege to experience.

You must also understand that Yesnick and Acceb differed in age by only a few years. As both Yesnik and Acceb began to relate their tales, both were reluctant to admit to the other the amount of falling stars each had acquired. But as the stories of each conquest were revealed, Yesnik and Acceb could only exclaim that they had also had done what the other had accomplished. One by one, star by star, through the complexities they had separately endured, Acceb and Yesnik only grew closer together - through caring for and saving the life of a child to competing and conquering challenges issued by others,. As their caboodle of stars continued to proliferate, so did their love and caring for each other.

Yet, as much as they loved each other and their bond of almost-sisterhood, there was a slight sense of competition between them. When it came down to finally giving the exact specifications of how many falling stars they had each amassed, they agreed to tell each other at the same time. On the count of 3, they both said their number of falling stars. And which of these do you think took the prize? Well, my dear reader, neither. At the same time, both Yesnik and Acceb called out the exact same number - twenty-nine. A number to be applauded, indeed. And because of their exceedingly high successes, they were lauded as the most talented and accomplished ladies in all the land.

THE END.

Well, folks, I laid there in my bed thinking about my collection falling stars. And I take comfort in knowing that the sky is so vast and filled with balls of gas burning billions of miles away and that there are more available if I choose to seek them out. And I think I'm okay with just having my two falling stars right now. I'll leave the shining, shimmering and being the heroes to Yesnik and Acceb.

Stuck on band-aids...

I didn't think it would feel like this. And yet, somehow getting stood up on a fake date is worse than a real date. I didn't think that was possible. I mean, you're not emotionally involved or interested or anything like that. It's basically a blind date. Nothing else. And yet, it was far more terrible than I expected. Why? Well, let me tell you:

If you get asked out on a real date, that at least is one sign that the guy is interested in you, at least enough to want to ask you out. And if he does not make it to this date, it is probably for a good reason, because if he wants to spend time with you, he would probably try NOT to miss. But, on a fake date like this, if the guy stands you up, it really means he does not give a crap about you. Period. At all.



Basically, it feels just like a band-aid. Why would I choose prolonged agony? Agony that can be so painfully felt by every single, distinctive, individual cell as it is tugged and ripped away from my skin. But then all of a sudden, there is relief. no pressure. cold air. freedom.

Well, I've decided that if I had a choice, I'd rather have my band-aids ripped off. So please, don't be the one to just be pressed upon me gently and then slowly pulled away. Just ripping you off is a lot easier, and trust me, I'll get over being semi-disappointed in you and judging your faulty character a lot faster. However, I plan on avoiding this dilemma entirely by not ever needing a band-aid.

If I did, I'd get one from this box:

HOT or NOT?

So in honor of the movie last night, I'm starting a HOT or NOT list. But not like the one on the movie. (sorry, kins....I'm pretty sure I can't get away with that one :) as much fun as that would be.)

So today's HOT: I can bend my toe. Hallelujah. Almost exactly 2.5 months after having a little construction done, this is miraculous. Literally... it's a miracle. It was so that I would be able to get my full range of motion back to where it was before surgery. This was meant to break up the connective tissue that was getting in the way. He did the smaller parts on the first 2 jabs. And then on the 3rd jab, I could almost instantly tell that my toe could move. It was so... surreal. In the 3 seconds that that jab was in my foot - which felt more like 3 years - I could instantly tell my foot was getting better. A miracle.


[the first picture is the day i got my surgery done - an interesting day, to say the least. To say the most: I basically spilled ALL my secrets to my older brother when I was coming back into consciousness. Because of this, I no longer hesitate to tell him anything. Mostly because he'll hear it anyways on September 4th. :) Lucky him. The other two pictures are from the day they cut my cast off. And I almost put up the other ones, but I thought I'd save them for later. In the third picture you can see where they wrote 'yes' on my foot to make sure that they operated on the correct one so that I wouldn't sue them later. Except I have to get surgery on both feet, so it wouldn't have mattered if they did do the other foot.]

today's NOT: (sorry if this next part semi-grosses anyone out...) I got a needle that was about 3 inches long repeatedly inserted (read:jabbed!) into my toe. I'm not normally one to cry about anything. Instead, I just made do with yelling "ow" as loud as I possibly could in order to deter anyone who was thinking about possibly getting the same surgery I did. However, I can't really badmouth this lovely shot that I was so blessed to receive multiple times. I can now stand on my tippy-toes. I guess I took that for granted before. (Kind of like how much I take crinkling my nose for granted. And then when I get a sunburn, I realize how much I hate not being able to crinkle it - especially because I crinkle my nose when I'm laughing. Ergo, getting a sunburn = no laughing.) I have renewed my 7 year old dreams of being a ballet dancer now that I can stand on tippy-toes (both of them!!)...... So I guess what this means is that however much I want this to be a 'NOT', it really deserves to be a 'HOT'.

And now I really should get back to studying up on gene expression and the lac operon. Tomorrow's final exam (20 essays, ranging from 4 sentences to a page each): piece of cake. I hope - no, I KNOW.