Suddenly the world is too big.

dear fam damily,
i missed you all like crazy today. so i looked and looked through pictures. and laughed at the wonderful stories behind them. i love you a million swedish fish
love,
me

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way.
And I will love you like this for eternity.

(*and this is a TON of pictures. sorry.... except i'm not. i like them all.)

I believe in happily ever after.

I would now like to tell you all a story. And I wish I could read this to you out loud because I'm SO much more entertaining in person than in words(haha). You'll just have to pretend it's me reading it. Especially with all the theatrics I'd probably put in to make you laugh.

Fairy Tales Are True

Once upon a time, there was a girl. And a boy. After initially being introduced, they did not become fast friends. The girl just didn't know how to become friends with the boy. But she did want to be friends because they moved in the same circles, so logically, they should be. She didn't know what to do to overcome the great big wall she had built.

But then something magical happened. The girl didn't have to do anything special to become friends with the boy. They just started actually started doing things together with their friends and then the girl and the boy were friends. And they were for a long time.

The boy decided to disappear for two whole years. But somehow they sent messages to each other using snowflakes and rainbows so that somehow they would not feel so far away and end up not being friends anymore.

Then the boy decided to come back from the far off land where he had traveled and lived with others who are not like him. And instead of sending smoke signals or rearranging the stars, they got to talk face to face. But they mostly spoke through the enchanted and enchanting cyber kingdom of FbAoCoEk since they were still separated by a great wall that could only be overcome by those of unfailing determination and never-ending free-time.

The only problem of FbAoCoEk was that sometimes when the girl or boy said something to each other, things got lost in translation. Because of this tragic flaw, the friendship between the girl and the boy was tested. And pulled and twisted and tossed through a war. And somehow in one day, the boy and girl went from being friends to being 'more than friends' to breaking up and then getting back together and then breaking up again. This heartbreaking, devastating tragedy happened in the eternities of a short ten minutes. Woeful, heartbroken and betrayed, the girl did not know where to turn. Especially as she felt so alone in the cube that she was sitting in when it happened. And yet, because she got to talk to the boy that day she just felt like it made her day so much more exciting -despite the despair she felt.

The girl did not know how to handle it all. All the memories. All the messages in the sky and in the stars. Did nothing matter anymore? What happened to true friendship and always being there for each other? That boy broke her heart. And she didn't even know he could.

But, the story does not end here. The boy and the girl realized the flimsy and fake follies they were too concerned with and decided to put the past away and face the future. They decided to always be friends. And even if they weren't "together", together they would take steps into the future knowing that someday everything would all work out - and that even through the fighting and arguing and possible manipulation, there would always be laughter and charm and love. And the never-ending hope that fairy tales do come true. THE END

All the Bells and Whistles....

(I think girls will like this post more than the guys. Sorry - It's just what came out.) Apparently it is the season for weddings! Which makes me happy. And a teeeeeeny bit sad because I know that I now take second place to someone else. But I'm okay with that so I'm mostly really really happy.

Ever since I was about 16, when there would be a wedding reception at the church where I went to seminary, I was sent back with a camera to take photos of how everything was decorated. Just so that I would have an idea of what I might want when I was old enough to get married.

Well, folks, heads up. I am now 21 years, 4 months, and one day old. Somewhere in the back of my head it is screaming that there is no way that I can get married now. I mean, I'm ONLY 21. And yet.... And yet, I've watched so many fall in love, get engaged, and have incredibly beautiful weddings/marriages that I can't help but want one of my own. And I've had a lot of people suggest to me that maybe I should get married. My parents, my little brothers, people from back home who know how BYU is, everyone out here who is married. Don't get me wrong. I do want to get married. But there are some important things to think about - it being the right time, right place, right person, right authority - these ALL play a role in it.

However, Christian did tell me that he had a dream that I got engaged, AND he had to ask me if it was true or not. So either he's a fortuneteller or his dream was creepily realistic. So, since I've been preparing myself for this with photographs since high school, I decided to share some of my plans with you all (along with some tangents).

1) I found the wedding dress I want. Alas, I just found out it will cost more than a semester of tuition. Ergo it is out of the picture. So I shall have to restart the search again.
2) I love love LOVE looking at wedding pictures. You can practically feel the happiness OOZING out of their smiles. It's like Love is tangible. And since I always want what I can't have, I want that. So that's where I get tons of my ideas.
Here's the cake I want:
Not really, but kind of. I think it would be super fun. And that's the important part of the wedding, right?

Here are some flowers that I LOVE: except for the roses. I'm not such a big fan of roses.

But I am currently obsessed with dark purple.

And since I've gotten to look at so many rings lately, here's my current favorite:I don't know. I go back and forth. (And since I'm a girl, I pretty much like anything that is sparkly.)

Anyways, the rest of the plans are currently under review because I change my mind a million times a day. So, here's what I know about the guy I'm bound to end up with. I went back to my notes from when I was 16 and found these: Please read and enjoy. (And please please remember, I'm not 16 anymore, but I was when I took these. Way before facebook quizzes came around.)

Your type is the Preppy
If he's conservative, friendly, and clean-cut, he's just your type! You fall hard and fast for him. Your guy's refined, runs with a cool crowd, and has a little cockiness thrown in for good measure. He's just cool, calm, and collected. Another quality that draws you to him is his ambition. He aims for success and follows whatever path will lead him there. You respect how he always makes time for his friends and has a tendency to be a little goofy. With this cheeky,well-groomed guy, you can rest assured that you'll live the American dream!
Huzzah for the American dream! haha

You are a Hopeless romantic
Chances are you love soft music, candlelight, and long walks on the beach at sunset. Crying at sappy movies (your favorite kind) is a given — a box of tissues is a must — and you've have had your wedding planned since grade school. (HA - close. More like high school.) You're looking for a deep relationship — a soul mate. Traditional and sympathetic, guys love that they can open up to you and talk to you about their feelings, their past, and their hopes for the future. How can a suitor win your heart? By romancing you. Sending you flowers, surprising you with a picnic lunch, or going for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you'll be creating a life-long love story. (More like for eternity, not just life-long.)

Natalie, you find love in a Fairy Tale
Glass slippers, traveling minstrels, knights in shining armor. These are some of the classic components of fairy tales. And when it comes to your real-life love life, you'll take 'em in the form of candy and flowers, poems describing your beauty, tiny velvet boxes, and the like. (I'm liking the velvet boxes part. And the flowers.)You sometimes have to work to get your head out of the clouds, but your optimistic spirit and love-conquers-all attitude helps you deal with the good and bad that life might throw your way. As long as you can spot a poison apple when it knocks on your door, you'll always be able to find your happy ending.

Natalie, Prince Charming is the man of your dreams
A hopeful romantic, you're looking for that special guy who believes in fairy tales too. You want the best for yourself and those you love. And you're happy to go the extra mile to make sure everything works out in the end. So even if it means kissing a lot of frogs, you won't settle until you've found the prince you've been looking for. And that's sure to make a happy ending.

Well, if you have made it to the end of this post, I'm sorry. Those last 4 paragraphs were probably a huge waste of your time. And mine too, when I was 16. And I am happy now. I love my life. Even the parts that seem so unsure at times. Being where I am today is so, so much different and better than I pictured it. But maybe that's the best part.

dear Boy,
if you are the man i end up with, i want you to know that i am trying to be the best person i can be now. sometimes i feel like you will never show up. but if you promise to show up soon, i promise to let you help plan the wedding. with no zebra cake. and i promise to love you forever. literally.
love,
Me.

Saturday is a special day.

Saturday just happened to be awesome. I don't know if anyone else noticed. I think a few people did. I mean, come ON. It was the eleventh day of the seventh month. And what does that mean? It means it is a day to be celebrated. No, not because I survived the best five minutes of my life in a gut-wrenching, adrenaline-rushing, head-spinning, mind-blowing, amazingly awesome fall from 12000 feet above the majestic mountains, and then circled the sky around and around in a parachute and finally came to rest on the ground with a landing that was smooth as butter - no, it was a glorious day because I got my free slurpee from 7-11. Thank heavens. It was delicious. More specifically, the mango-apple + pina colada was definitely a highlight of my day. That smile on my face definitely says it all.

But seriously, skydiving was rad. I'm definitely, absolutely going again. This is half of the group that went. We jumped first.


How can you NOT want to do this again? More pictures to come when I steal the rest of them off of facebook.

the best i ever had...

It's been one month (and one week because I couldn't write this last week). And I still miss you. You were an awesome dog. We got you the day the NBA season started in October. And strangely enough, you got hit and we had to put you down 3 days after your namesake lost in the playoffs. You were so adorable and you learned so quickly. You would comfort anyone when they were crying, even if it was fake. You were so, so much fun to go running with. You ate everything - my luggage, my backpack, my George Foreman grill, the sofa... You would whimper after me when I had to leave. I love that I was the only one you did this for. You even tried to follow me into the doctor's office because you didn't want me to go. I want another dog, but I don't think we can find anyone as good as you. Lebron, you were the best. And for what it's worth, you were my MVP.

Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be. - Jim Horning

I have become a shuttle driver. Ever since getting my license from learning how to drive on a fantastic, 15 passenger white Ford van, I’ve vowed never to drive anything that beastly. (However, I am now the proud owner of a Land Rover Discovery that seats 7 at most – so I aspired slightly lower. No offense Mom and Dad… the van will always hold a special place in my heart.) And yet, Grover the Gas-Guzzling Rover is now the college version of the good old van. Grover took me to the airport a LOT lately. Including twice in one day.

And from my vantage point as a shuttle driver, I realized I find out a lot about myself when I turn off the radio and start listening to my thoughts. Maybe you’ll even solve a couple problems that have been plaguing you. Or not. But you still get a lot further than you were before.

Airports are a completely different world. Remember how in chemistry you had to learn the difference between homogenous and heterogenous? (…. For all you NONchem lovers: basically a mixture of things you can’t separate because they look the same and a mixture of things you can separate because they look different, respectfully…) Airports are neither. People come together and weave in and out of each other’s lives and then at the end of the flight, the threads are pulled apart again. So what has been created? A tangled web is shaped when we fly on wing through the air. And yet somehow when that web is pulled tight it creates a wonderful tapestry. Think of all the people you’ve ever sat next to and had a meaningless/meaningful conversation with. There are so, so many people that have left an impression on me. Like this one old lady who had four complete hours to fill with her life story. And fill it she did.

I know Christian definitely has me topped on the number of times he's flown, but I've definitely topped him on the number of times you get stuck. (right, David? I'm pretty sure I told you about it every time it happened.) I think something crazy happened to me every time I tried to fly by myself. I used to think I was just cursed. Now I realize that I had a lesson to learn every time I got stuck. Sometimes it takes drama and frustration and confusion for you to grow a little more and to realize that you are far, far more capable than you thought you were.

I think the worst part about airports is the goodbyes. You pull up to a curb, they get out, you hug, they walk off and you get to stand there and watch them walk farther and farther away from you. And then you have the drive home to think about how much you'll miss someone. Two years, two weeks, two days - I still miss you all the same. But today was harder. Usually I'm the one that gets dropped off at the curb. Usually I'm the one who gets distracted by security lines and waiting areas. But not today. I watched my family get in a car and drive away from me. I fool myself sometimes into thinking that saying goodbye will get easier as I get older. And I realize how wrong I am everytime. And now all I want to do is go to an airport. And be the one that gets on the plane and flies back home.

The things I learned from Idaho.

After an exciting weekend filled with friends, family and food, here's some tidbits of wisdom I realized.
1. It's harder for a cop to catch you speeding when he's facing the other direction...and going along with that, I'm really lucky sometimes.
2. Idaho doesn't really believe in ethnic foods. No satisfying of a Thai food craving. However they do have plenty of pizza joints which were ridiculously delicious and buffet style. quality.
3. Little children tend to ignore the amount of sleep you get. They will wake you as soon as possible regardless of your 4am arrival time.
4. The Warm River is not really warm.
5. Sometimes people can be treated as novelties. And sometimes that's not a fun thing.
6. It takes 5 adults to deflate a raft. (see picture.)
7. Football games can be played anywhere.
8. Don't leave your iPhone on the side of the road if you don't want it run over. That was one close call.
9. 20+ people at one barbecue is ridiculously fun.
10. Idaho likes star wars.
11. My phone selectively chooses not to text people. Usually when I really want to text someone.
12. Sometimes it's hard not having anyone within 5 years of you to hang out with. (brother's with girlfriends don't count when they won't hang out with you).
13. Old ladies are super super nice people when they let you stay at their house and you don't even really know them. We stayed with my older brother's girlfriend's brother-in-law's grandmother's house. (did you get lost? because i did)
14. Porch swings are AWESOME.
15. Girls will always like things that are sparkly and bright. Glitter toes, jewelry and fireworks are included in that. And Idaho Falls has surprisingly good fireworks.
16.Mini portable electric guitars make for awesome road trips at 2 in the morning.
17. Fresh rolls will always always always be delicious. Anywhere, anytime.
18. Car rides home with a 7 year old and an 8 year old are way too much fun.
19. I was happy to come back to Provo.
20. Making a music video with all your freshmen friends and watching it 3 years later makes you feel just as awesome as when you made it. And then listening to that song in the car on the way up because that's one of the only cds you own and your radio doesn't work only makes you feels even more awesome.
(I'll add more pictures as soon as I can steal the rest of them off of the camera. They're all on that one. Not on my email. Sorry..... I really should just get my own camera.)