Sunday, May 24, 2015

(3.9.2015)

(3.9.2015)

Completely stressed myself out. David is the voice of reason to my over-reactive hormones. He is a treasure and I still can't believe he's mine. 

Because he was completely right. 

Went in for my high tech scan and everything was completely NORMAL. Apparently she was in a funky position and the weird angle they were scanning at made the cord look like it was in the wrong spot the first time. They said it might even have just been a loop of the cord cutting across the placenta. 

She pulled up the cord right away and was so startled to see it was right in the middle where it was supposed to be! Such a big big relief. I almost cried (thanks again hormones). But then I got to sit there and have another fun chance to see her wiggle and move and see all the little body parts growing and developing just like they should be. They even gave me a 3D shot of her face. I think she looks like Noah but it is really hard to tell. 

Thanks, girlie, for just giving me a hard time but not really having an issue. This probably won't be the last time you joke around. 

(3.5.2015)

(3.5.2015)

Oh baby girl. I can already tell things are gonna be different with her.  Not a bad thing -- just new experiences for me to deal with. At this point in Noah's pregnancy, I had only had one ultrasound  and we had (perhaps naively?) opted out of any genetic testing and were just so eager and loving the newness of it all. 

This little girl has thrown me little curveballs every time I turn around. Nothing major, but always making me slightly anxious. We had our 3rd ultrasound today. And I loved it! It felt so familiar watching them make sure she was fine.

It was supposed to be just the scan since I just had an appointment the week before. So when the tech told me she just wanted to check to see if anyone wanted to go over it with us, a tiny little red flag went off. Because why do they go over it if nothing is wrong? And so we waited. 

The doctor came and told us 2 things. Both minor, in his eyes, but something to be aware of.  [Being the pregnant woman that I was, that was enough to make me wanna cry.] 
1. A single choroid plexus cyst on one side. He said he's never really seen just one, they usually go away by 24 weeks, and since we have her genetic panel back, we already know it's nothing to do with that. It's a "wait-and-see." 
2. Marginal chord insertion (umbilical cord is supposed to attach to the middle of placenta, mine is close to the edge). Only a major concern if they see blood vessels (they didn't) and only because it causes possible early labor/possible growth issues. In which case - bed rest! And lots of ultrasounds. 
Which means we get ultrasound number four on Monday with the specialists using their fancy machines to make sure everything is what they think. 

I've read a few scientific journal studies about this issue so I shouldn't be concerned.  But that doesn't stop me from worrying.  

More wait-and-see.

Enough with the sneaky reminders that Noah isn't my only focus anymore. I can feel her move now. It's nice to focus on those flutters instead of the worrying. 

(2.26.2015)

(2.26.2015)

Getting excited bout babay 2

The feelings are different than Noah's pregnancy.
We (mostly )know what to expect, we've done it at least once so there is a little bit of "been there done that" kicking around. 
But what is also missing for me are the feelings I have about this baby - the insatiable wondering about what it is like to have a baby of your own and what she will be like and what type of mother I will be and how we will go through this together. 

The excitement is different. Because I know the answer to some of those questions, and am willing to wait to know the others. Whoever she is, second child or not, this little girl has already made a huge impact on me. My feelings are more protective -- and emotional-- than with Noah. 

I love newborns and the angelic newness and the smell that you can't get enough of that all are so suddenly gone. But I'm dreading the newborn phase because I know how awful I got with just one baby. Now I'll have Noah too. I'm a meaner version of myself without sleep and at this point I'm planning on the "just push through it" strategy.

 Also. A GIRL. I actually never thought we would have girls. I pictured a house full of messy rowdy boys. (Not to say she won't be either messy or rowdy.) But how do you parent girls?? How did my parents survive me?! I'm nervous and yet so so so glad we get to do it at least once. 

I think that is why my excitement is so different. 

Hopefully she can stand her own against Noah. Heaven knows he is number one child type A who needs to be in control. Maybe she can knock him down a few pegs....
It's you and me girlie. Glad you're here to help even the score.


(2.10.2015)

(2/10/2015)

It's been rough.
Pregnancy is a rough thing. Even in its easiest version. 

I struggle to remember the hard times of my pregnancy with Noah because they were so few and far between. 
Or I was busy enough to not notice.

The car sickness was bad but occasional. The nausea was mostly non-existent because I ate meals regularly and had snacks so readily accessible while I was working. The fatigue was easy to deal with because I could take a nap on my lunch break and then later crash on the couch while David studied or watched a game. 

This time. Oh no. Not the same. Not even close. The exhaustion was there before I even knew I was pregnant. (I made an awful co-pilot on a long road trip.) I almost can't function each day unless I take some sort of nap --- even if it is 10 minutes!! But it is so hard to get that lately. And bedtime is still so late. Oops.

But the nausea is what is the most different so far. Oh the awful all-consuming nausea. It was at the point where I was so nervously terrified of putting anything in my mouth because it was just coming back up in a violent way. 

It finally seems like it is starting to subside. (All the knocking on wood here. but I also thought that before and then had the worst day of them after that.)

Noah has been a champ. He lets me lie on the couch in my morning misery while he plays around me til I can get my act together. He also likes to run up and investigate when I'm sick. Not as fun as he thinks. 

(2.8.2015)

(2.8.2015)

It's funny how things happen sometimes. The day after I wrote the previous post about my baby paranoia, I got the weird phone call that no pregnant person wants.

The one with the test results that aren't great. 

Granted mine were LOADS ANDS LOADS better than some others. But that doesn't stop the worry. 

Our Down's syndrome test came back with a slight slight slight chance of baby having it. Like basically less than half a percent chance that our baby would have it. 

And of course the doctor calling tries to explain that "we don't know for sure" and "we won't know for sure until after more tests" and "here are all your options" etc etc 

10 days to wait for the results. To wait and pray that everything will be okay. And that you will be able to accept the results whatever they may be. To realize that you are never in control

10 days and the call comes. 
She talks so fast that you almost miss it. 
Negative. Negative. Negative. 
For DS. For the other chromosomal  tests. 
Negative!


"And oh, we also tested for the baby's gender. Do you want to know?"

Completely unexpected. 
"The baby's chromosomes are XX."

!!!!!!!!

Baby GIRL already has me panicky and we are YEARS away from teenagehood. I'll never stop worrying about my babies. Because I'm a momma. 

Can't wait to meet her face to face in 25 (long) weeks!

(1.23.2015)

(1.23.2015)

Let's talk about the anxiety. With pregnancy/baby número uno, there was just this elated overwhelming feeling of happiness because it was finally happening and new chapters and our lives are going to change and all that jazz. 

Round two. So different. I don't know if it stems from too much reading about others' experiences with miscarriage or losing their babies or having to hear bad news about the difficulty their babies would face in coming to this world. But it totally has made me paranoid. I have mucho bad dreams now. Dreams that I lose the baby. Dreams that the baby can't be part of our family. Dreams that something will develop wrong that I just emotionally can't handle and wake up in a panic because I don't think I'm a good enough mom/person to be able to handle that type of situation. 

I'm afraid. Afraid of how hard that would make my life. Afraid of losing a baby. Afraid of miscarrying. Afraid of what will happen when baby does come and I have TWO babies to take care of. Afraid of losing myself in trying to be a good mother. And failing at both. 

These feelings have been around since before we even knew about baby 2. But sweet relief comes in little ways. In hearing Noah say the only word that comes out clearly -- bayyybeeee. In seeing the ultrasounds and watching this baby move and kick and turn inside me. In hearing doctors and nurses say everything looks perfect. (Completely took that phrase for granted before. Never again.) In reading these sweet words: 

"My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep....
O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever."

(2 Ne 4:20,34)

And I know that whatever happens will be okay. This baby is so so loved already. 

A few from the archives.


Isn't he the most graceful sleeper ever? Gotta love a sprawled out baby. 


I wrote some posts that never actually made it out of the draft folder until now. Just thought it would be nice to have these posted and not get lost somewhere. 

Friday, May 22, 2015

Bridesmaid-ing the hard way.

I wouldn't recommend trying it my way. I was 6 months pregnant at the wedding and 0 months when I ordered my dress. 

I ordered this one knowing I would need to add sleeves myself. 

I figured I would be safe ordering my normal size just with extra fabric for the sleeves because it took us awhile to get pregnant with Noah and we had just started trying. 

Then 3 weeks later while on Thanksgiving vacation, found out I was expecting. 

The dress fit okay when it was delivered at the end of February. I had been sick and had a teeny bump but not much. But it was tight in a couple spots. 

Skip ahead a month and a half and the dress WON'T ZIP UP. Cue internal freak out. 

Avoid dealing with it for another month. 
Then get your act together and figure it all out. 

You made it through all that 👆🏻 congrats!
I ended up hemming it, adding side panels (aka gussets) and making sleeves. It took me about 3 weeks of working at night and not every night. It was stressful.

But I was so so happy everything fit okay for the wedding!! (The cheap-o zipper split at the wedding --- very fitting since my wedding dress cheap-o zipper split in our wedding day too!) 

Here's the before/after of the gussets with bad lighting. 


The finished product!

And last but not least, at the wedding. 


(Forgot to take off my Fitbit oooops)












So did I mention?

We've been pretty non-existent on social media about this, but I have so much to say about baby #2 that I might as well start here with a little post.

Here's the usual requested details:
1. Due August 1
2. It's a girl. (!!!!!)
3. Nope. No name yet. 
4. We didn't MEAN to keep it on the D-L for so long, it just happened that way. There was no good time to make an announcement in the early days. And then it just got awkward later when people notice your bump and are terrified to even hint about it. (I don't recommend it. Make the announcements. They are so much more fun!)


Now that those are out of the way, let's talk about other things. Like how this pregnancy has made me so much more anxious than Noah's. Or how unexcited I am to have the last 10 weeks be during the hottest, muggiest (and buggiest!), uncomfortable months of the year. Or how girl names completely stump us. Or the fact that Noah and baby girl will be 20 months apart (only if she doesn't come more than 4 days early). Or how much I forgot what it feels like to be so connected to a little tiny human being and still not really know them yet. 

Only 10 more weeks! 

Picture from end of March. No way I look that teeny any more. RIP non-maternity clothes. 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Noah @ 17 months

I have no idea where that pose came from. But it makes me laugh. 

Noah is so much fun right now. 
• has his bedtime routine down. Teeth, kisses, books, prayers, one song, and then he gets to lay in his bed with his doggy, Charlie Brown doll, and teddy all next to him (by his request). He knows the drill and will blow me kisses and say night night as I lay him down. It has made life so much easier for him to put himself all the way to sleep. 

• still obsessed with looking out the window and pointing at all the cars/trucks/buses/airplanes/helicopters/fire trucks/ambulances etc that he sees. He also discovered tractors the other day with a backpack of farm games and books we checked out from the library. 

• likes to throw things into the bathtub if he is not taking a shower, throws them out if he is. He also has been pouring out cups of water over the edge of the tub during his baths which is not fun. 

• we have found a few new-to-us playgrounds and one of them is so great for him to just run all over. He loves the independence and being able to do a lot of it by himself. Although he still makes me nervous quite often. They also have a sandbox with toys (including the hot commodity fire truck). He loves to watch the other kids too and sometimes tries to play with them. 
• he does this scowling face when it's time to say prayers. We try so hard not to laugh but sometimes we can't help it. 

•we are learning a lot about sharing and when it is his turn or not. It's hard to explain this to kids because they are naturally selfish but Noah is doing okay. He likes the game of offering you something and then pulling his hand back. He thinks it's hilarious.
• now that it is finally spring, we can go outside to meet David's bus again. Noah gets so giddy when he sees him get off, runs to him but just before he gets there, he stops to wave at the bus pulling away.
 
• still eats whatever we are eating except when he decides he isn't hungry and just plays with his food. He always has to spread some of whatever he is eating onto the table (and inevitably, the floor), which is just as fun to clean up as it sounds. He loves to dig in the fridge anytime we open it a crack. He pulls out whatever it is he wants us to give him. But he is getting really good at helping me put groceries away too. 

• Speaking of helping. I am trying to get him in the habit of doing certain things every day. Like putting his pajamas away in the closet or hanging his bath towels up (even though he can't reach) or put clothes in the dirty laundry basket. It is so cute to see him understanding my request and running off to do it. He is best at the pajama one, probably because he knows he gets breakfast when he comes back to the kitchen. (Yes, he eats in his diaper.)

• He also likes to try to help me with the sweeping and vacuuming. But no matter how many times we pick up his books, he almost always knocks them off right away. 
• he is quite the little iPhone user (oops). He knows how to get to the photos app on my phone and watch videos. He has the swiping and pressing play down. (He swipes one direction with one hand and then switches hands to go the other direction haha.)
• he LOVED being spoiled when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. He always gets mopey after visitors leave. 

• still likes to put on shoes and pants. He can get one leg in his jeans even. He wants to try to wear our shoes now too so he will happily go into the closet and grab daddy's shoes while I am getting ready. 

• loves his books still. Which makes me happy. He will sit and thumb through them and then toss them aside for another in his reach. He has started ripping covers off books and pulling pages apart in his board books and I'm not sure why. I can't tell if he thinks there is another page there or what. Lots of glueing and taping is happening though. I got him a few books from the library book sale about trucks and he likes those the most currently. 

• we just finished a "mother goose" class at the library for babies/toddlers his age. He liked most of it but also liked to wander when he was bored. But he learned a lot of songs and read books every week and it was fun to do. I wish they were doing it during the summer too. Oh well.

• We did sign him up for "swim" lessons (ha). Mostly because I think it will be hilarious to do but according to the class description, he should learn a few new things. He already loves the water so I'm curious to see how he reacts. Plus it will be good to just get us to the pool. And it was cheap. Win win. 
• He is getting really good at trying to say new words. I used to understand most of what he was trying to say but now it's getting tough. He jabbers a lot when he thinks I'm not listening.


And I know this isn't all but I can't come up with anything else tonight.