the beans

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Noah @ 18 months

One and a half!

This is where I start begging time to slow down because I have no idea how a year and a half passed by so quickly.

Noah:

• is becoming a lot more independent. He wants to do so many things by himself and gets frustrated when I don't let him. Using the keys to unlock the door is probably the biggest one -- especially because he can't actually do it. He can get the key in the lock a bit but that's it.

• He likes to try to put on clothes. Pants, socks, his shoes, my shoes. If it gets quiet around here, I can usually find him with a pair of shoes or socks.

• his vocabulary is expanding like crazy! I used to get most of his babble or at least understood the gist of it. Now I'm completely confused sometimes. He understands TONS too which is really helpful. He is a pro at saying [his versions of] quite a few words. Which is nice because he is consistent with most of them. He also will repeat words when saying prayers of we ask him too.

• loves to climb on things. He moves chairs around in our kitchen to climb on the table or climb up to play with the dishes drying on the counter or the light switches. He climbs on a box we keep next to my side of the bed and he can play with things on our dresser or climb on the bed himself. He also figured out how to climb UP slides at the park (yay). It's funny how much happier he is now that he can do more on his own.

• he is really good about riding in the stroller when we go on our nightly runs(David)/walks(me). He will hold his little toy car and bus in his hands and just sit quietly the whole time. It's been great.

• we took him bowling on our family trip to Florida and he would point after the ball every time he rolled it down the lane. It was so funny. He did great at the beaches too. He liked digging in the sand and was a little apprehensive of the water, but was fine if you took him in. Family vacations with babies are tough but overall we were really happy with how it all worked out. I guess we'll take him next time....

• he likes to bring his toys to play in whatever room I'm working in. He loads his arms up and will walk slowly carrying everything until he finds a place to set it down. He is good about playing on his own but likes me to be in the same room.

• he usually understands when I'm telling him No about something. But then he will look at me, shake his head no, and do it again. It is hard to be patient when he does that sometimes. Especially when it is dumping cups of bath water out of the tub.

• he is becoming (even more) fascinated by other kids. Instead of just staring at them, he will try to interact and will run around with them and follow them. It's made the playground a lot more fun for him I think.

• it is said how well he knows how to use my phone. He doesn't get it THAT often but he knows what apps he likes and mostly how to get what he wants to happen. He turned on Sesame Street on YouTube and FaceTimed my sister a few days ago (super early her time! Oops!). And he started some random video on Netflix today. He even turned the phone before it came up because he knew that's how the videos would play.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

(5.24.2015)

It's been awhile since I've written a post like this. The second trimester was really really good to me and I was sad to see it go. But also happy because that means it is getting closer to being over!

I'm just barely crossing into the point where my body feels stretched and it is hard to get comfortable. And I still have 2 more months. I'm not sure where she's even going to go because I feel so stretched out already.

Helping Noah has gotten a little harder because my movements and positions are compromised. And he is heavy. So carrying him gets old fast as much as I don't want to put him down.

Still stuck in the name game. It's hard when I only like something for a few days before becoming disenchanted. She moves so much that I am getting really excited to have her be here already. And going by Noah's timeline (which isn't hers and won't happen) she could potentially be here in 7 weeks...... Maybe I'm not as ready as I think I am, now that I actually say that.

Our trip to Florida was the biggest thing on our schedule for the summer before she comes. Now it is just easy days and finding useful productive ways to fill our time.

I'm looking forward to Noah's swimming lessons (haha!) and picking blueberries!! Not looking forward to the unbearable muggy heat that I'm sure is just around the corner.

(3.24.2015)

I can feel baby girl move so much lately! It's the fun little kicks right now and it is so so nice to be reminded of the miracle happening in my body. There is nothing like a baby kicking in your belly to give you perspective.

She is most active when I finally sit down to relax at night. And when I'm singing Noah a song at bedtime. I guess she must really like the music because it happens practically every single night. It always makes me smile in the middle of the song.

I'm at this really fun stage where I just feel lumpy. My belly sticks out but not enough to yell "baby!" More like "too much pizza!" Which is all good too.

We were all sick last weekend and I had it 10x worse because of being pregnant. Thank heavens that is over with because the nausea is not one of my favorite symptoms. It is so hard to eat while sick. Really glad that is done with. Now if only the snow would melt and spring would decide to show up. That's a great way to end March in my opinion.

(3.9.2015)

Completely stressed myself out. David is the voice of reason to my over-reactive hormones. He is a treasure and I still can't believe he's mine.

Because he was completely right.

Went in for my high tech scan and everything was completely NORMAL. Apparently she was in a funky position and the weird angle they were scanning at made the cord look like it was in the wrong spot the first time. They said it might even have just been a loop of the cord cutting across the placenta.

She pulled up the cord right away and was so startled to see it was right in the middle where it was supposed to be! Such a big big relief. I almost cried (thanks again hormones). But then I got to sit there and have another fun chance to see her wiggle and move and see all the little body parts growing and developing just like they should be. They even gave me a 3D shot of her face. I think she looks like Noah but it is really hard to tell.

Thanks, girlie, for just giving me a hard time but not really having an issue. This probably won't be the last time you joke around.

(3.5.2015)

Oh baby girl. I can already tell things are gonna be different with her. Not a bad thing -- just new experiences for me to deal with. At this point in Noah's pregnancy, I had only had one ultrasound and we had (perhaps naively?) opted out of any genetic testing and were just so eager and loving the newness of it all.

This little girl has thrown me little curveballs every time I turn around. Nothing major, but always making me slightly anxious. We had our 3rd ultrasound today. And I loved it! It felt so familiar watching them make sure she was fine.

It was supposed to be just the scan since I just had an appointment the week before. So when the tech told me she just wanted to check to see if anyone wanted to go over it with us, a tiny little red flag went off. Because why do they go over it if nothing is wrong? And so we waited.

The doctor came and told us 2 things. Both minor, in his eyes, but something to be aware of. [Being the pregnant woman that I was, that was enough to make me wanna cry.]

1. A single choroid plexus cyst on one side. He said he's never really seen just one, they usually go away by 24 weeks, and since we have her genetic panel back, we already know it's nothing to do with that. It's a "wait-and-see."

2. Marginal chord insertion (umbilical cord is supposed to attach to the middle of placenta, mine is close to the edge). Only a major concern if they see blood vessels (they didn't) and only because it causes possible early labor/possible growth issues. In which case - bed rest! And lots of ultrasounds.

Which means we get ultrasound number four on Monday with the specialists using their fancy machines to make sure everything is what they think.

I've read a few scientific journal studies about this issue so I shouldn't be concerned. But that doesn't stop me from worrying.

More wait-and-see.

Enough with the sneaky reminders that Noah isn't my only focus anymore. I can feel her move now. It's nice to focus on those flutters instead of the worrying.

(2.26.2015)

Getting excited bout babay 2

The feelings are different than Noah's pregnancy.

We (mostly )know what to expect, we've done it at least once so there is a little bit of "been there done that" kicking around.

But what is also missing for me are the feelings I have about this baby - the insatiable wondering about what it is like to have a baby of your own and what she will be like and what type of mother I will be and how we will go through this together.

The excitement is different. Because I know the answer to some of those questions, and am willing to wait to know the others. Whoever she is, second child or not, this little girl has already made a huge impact on me. My feelings are more protective -- and emotional-- than with Noah.

I love newborns and the angelic newness and the smell that you can't get enough of that all are so suddenly gone. But I'm dreading the newborn phase because I know how awful I got with just one baby. Now I'll have Noah too. I'm a meaner version of myself without sleep and at this point I'm planning on the "just push through it" strategy.

Also. A GIRL. I actually never thought we would have girls. I pictured a house full of messy rowdy boys. (Not to say she won't be either messy or rowdy.) But how do you parent girls?? How did my parents survive me?! I'm nervous and yet so so so glad we get to do it at least once.

I think that is why my excitement is so different.

Hopefully she can stand her own against Noah. Heaven knows he is number one child type A who needs to be in control. Maybe she can knock him down a few pegs....

It's you and me girlie. Glad you're here to help even the score.

(2.10.2015)

(2/10/2015)

It's been rough.

Pregnancy is a rough thing. Even in its easiest version.

I struggle to remember the hard times of my pregnancy with Noah because they were so few and far between.

Or I was busy enough to not notice.

The car sickness was bad but occasional. The nausea was mostly non-existent because I ate meals regularly and had snacks so readily accessible while I was working. The fatigue was easy to deal with because I could take a nap on my lunch break and then later crash on the couch while David studied or watched a game.

This time. Oh no. Not the same. Not even close. The exhaustion was there before I even knew I was pregnant. (I made an awful co-pilot on a long road trip.) I almost can't function each day unless I take some sort of nap --- even if it is 10 minutes!! But it is so hard to get that lately. And bedtime is still so late. Oops.

But the nausea is what is the most different so far. Oh the awful all-consuming nausea. It was at the point where I was so nervously terrified of putting anything in my mouth because it was just coming back up in a violent way.

It finally seems like it is starting to subside. (All the knocking on wood here. but I also thought that before and then had the worst day of them after that.)

Noah has been a champ. He lets me lie on the couch in my morning misery while he plays around me til I can get my act together. He also likes to run up and investigate when I'm sick. Not as fun as he thinks.

(2.8.2015)

It's funny how things happen sometimes. The day after I wrote the previous post about my baby paranoia, I got the weird phone call that no pregnant person wants.

The one with the test results that aren't great.

Granted mine were LOADS ANDS LOADS better than some others. But that doesn't stop the worry.

Our Down's syndrome test came back with a slight slight slight chance of baby having it. Like basically less than half a percent chance that our baby would have it.

And of course the doctor calling tries to explain that "we don't know for sure" and "we won't know for sure until after more tests" and "here are all your options" etc etc

10 days to wait for the results. To wait and pray that everything will be okay. And that you will be able to accept the results whatever they may be. To realize that you are never in control

10 days and the call comes.

She talks so fast that you almost miss it.

Negative. Negative. Negative.

For DS. For the other chromosomal tests.

Negative!

"And oh, we also tested for the baby's gender. Do you want to know?"

Completely unexpected.

"The baby's chromosomes are XX."

!!!!!!!!

Baby GIRL already has me panicky and we are YEARS away from teenagehood. I'll never stop worrying about my babies. Because I'm a momma.

Can't wait to meet her face to face in 25 (long) weeks!

(1.23.2015)

Let's talk about the anxiety. With pregnancy/baby número uno, there was just this elated overwhelming feeling of happiness because it was finally happening and new chapters and our lives are going to change and all that jazz.

Round two. So different. I don't know if it stems from too much reading about others' experiences with miscarriage or losing their babies or having to hear bad news about the difficulty their babies would face in coming to this world. But it totally has made me paranoid. I have mucho bad dreams now. Dreams that I lose the baby. Dreams that the baby can't be part of our family. Dreams that something will develop wrong that I just emotionally can't handle and wake up in a panic because I don't think I'm a good enough mom/person to be able to handle that type of situation.

I'm afraid. Afraid of how hard that would make my life. Afraid of losing a baby. Afraid of miscarrying. Afraid of what will happen when baby does come and I have TWO babies to take care of. Afraid of losing myself in trying to be a good mother. And failing at both.

These feelings have been around since before we even knew about baby 2. But sweet relief comes in little ways. In hearing Noah say the only word that comes out clearly -- bayyybeeee. In seeing the ultrasounds and watching this baby move and kick and turn inside me. In hearing doctors and nurses say everything looks perfect. (Completely took that phrase for granted before. Never again.) In reading these sweet words:

"My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep....

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever."

(2 Ne 4:20,34)

And I know that whatever happens will be okay. This baby is so so loved already.

A few from the archives.

Isn't he the most graceful sleeper ever? Gotta love a sprawled out baby.

I wrote some posts that never actually made it out of the draft folder until now. Just thought it would be nice to have these posted and not get lost somewhere.