My car was broken into on Monday.

Well, let me rephrase that. I don't leave valuable things in my car, so I didn't lock it (mostly I don't lock it due to the alarm system that likes to go on the fritz and not let me into my car sometimes). And on Monday, someone decided to get in my car, rifle through my things and take what they wanted.

I am slightly stumped. The only thing gone from my car is a tiny coin jar that contains maybe $5 worth of pennies and nickels - because the dimes and quarters go towards whopper jrs at BK. My glove compartment was open, the papers from it were strewn across the seat, along with all the napkins I keep in there for contingencies. And I felt very very grateful that my car was still there. So, I didn't really mind the fact that my funds were slightly diminished.

I didn't call the police because nothing else was missing and nothing was broken and there were no other real signs of foul play. I went to the gym instead, which was where I was headed when I made this discovery.

While at the gym, I realized something big. Right before I went home for Christmas, I made 2 new copies of my car keys because my original was getting slightly bent and was begging to break every time I turned the lock. Guess where I put the original. In the glove compartment. My feelings of gratitude soared because I realized how easily the perpetrator could have taken one of the only valuable things I own.

And yet, amidst all these feelings of gratitude, I feel violated. Someone I don't know and don't trust got in my car. Went through my things. And took something I don't really care about. But now I just feel uncomfortable and insecure. Everywhere I go. School, the gym, the store. At the gym, most of the women put their things in lockers and don't lock them. I just can't do that, even more so now that this happened.

There is a reason why girls like feeling safe. The comfort and security that comes from it can make an feelings of uneasiness disappear in an instant. I just want to feel okay walking around doing things I normally do. Not feel violated trying to live a normal life.

You always think this can never happen to you. But it does. And the aftereffects are always worse than the actual incidence.

Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion and overreacting. Either way, I still feel uncomfortable every time I walk out to my car.

And apparently I need to pick colors, according to my mother.

Help please?

This is the color palette I like today. But sadly that changes everyday. Why am I so indecisive?

I sat down here with all intents to write something big.
I don't know why I expected that. Maybe because my head has been full of tidbits and tiny pieces of laughter I wanted to share with you.

Every time I open this blog to try and write something, all the smidgeons of ideas disappear. Maybe because the little glimmers of ideas come to me while I am not sitting at a desk.

And maybe that's the way it should be. Another reason why I'm tempted to give this thing up. I'm not so good at "being all inspiring" or whatever people write blogs for. So maybe I'll let you find yours somewhere else.

It's not you - It's me.

So I apologize for all of those who feel like I have ostracized them by making my blog private. I have been debating this for awhile.
- Not just the making private part, but also the need to have one, what I wanted to achieve by having one, how I am lacking in creativity etc.

I think I assumed that if you all got used to not being able to read it, it would be easier for you when I actually did get rid of it. I am sorry.

I guess I learned the hard way that I should just make you all go cold turkey when I do decide to do away with this blog. I guess that's your official warning then. So heads up.

I wish

I wish:

1. That the next 4 months would go by faster.
2. That I could wake up as happy as I did today everyday.
3. That money wasn't important.
4. That school wasn't as... busy.
5. That I was smarter.

Apparently I've gone AWOL

I would like to say that I've been swamped and busy up to my nose in school and work and a social life, but I am not ashamed to say that that would be untrue. I have only been semi-busy. Week one of school was intriguing, to say the least. And I already missed one day of classes. And slept through another. (not my fault. i have a GOOD excuse.)

Now I am sitting on the couch not doing homework? Of course I am.

And I was totally going to write something else here, but I think it would be ill-timed, so I will hold off on that until later.

p.s. "Adam" is a good movie.

p.p.s. Root canals stink

p.p.p.s. I've completely forgotten what I was originally going to write this post about. Maybe I'll remember later...

Break is over.

Christmas was a whirlwind. Lots of trips. Living out of a suitcase for 2 weeks. Flying in airplanes. Lots of driving. Idaho, Utah, New York. Train rides. And pictures. Lots of pictures. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, you get many pictures. And I will save my words for later.

Salt Lake Temple

American Museum of Natural History.

Little Italy

Manhattan BridgeRockefeller Center

On the Train

At the park across the street from my house

Times Square

The Intrepid

Brooklyn Bridge
Quickly! Best drinks ever.

And now school starts. 16 credits, 6 classes. Oh joy oh joy.

bowl me over.

So every Thursday night, we made our way to an alley that contained balls and pins for our play. (well, not mine - theirs.) I watched, week in, week out, the good, the bad, the awful. And trust me. It was most definitely worth it.

This team of bonediggers won the championships. They are the best bowling team that BYU has to offer. They played big when it counted. And they came away with these awesome pieces of art:

So, you ask, were these worth an entire semester's worth of Thursdays?

I think YES.

twilight years?

watch this little gem. it is priceless. and it made me laugh.

in my perfect world.

As of right now, my perfect world contains ZERO finals. But is that what I really want in my perfect world?

No, I can handle the finals. I think I want something else instead.

in my perfect world, I would devote more time to appreciating God's hand in my life.

I would savor and cherish the good times.

my pride would never come first.

i would apologize more. and so, so much sooner.

i would be more understanding and try to listen more.

communicating my love would be the most important.

be forgiving, gentle, and unfailingly kind.

the people i love most would always know it and know it because of my actions.

And as hard and frustrating as finishing my finals seem right now, this perfect world sounds even farther away. And as impossible as that sounds, I am comforted by the fact that everyday is an opportunity for me to become a better person. And take one step closer to that perfect world.